Never Burn Out
by pommedeplume
Summary: (July 24- July 27, 1999) It's summer break for sixteen year olds, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Lily Evans and James Potter. A mixtape brings Remus and Sirius together while Lily and James discover and unexpected connection. Part 4 of All That We Have Left series
1. Chapter 1 - The Mixtape

_July 24, 1999_

Sirius Black held the tape in his hand, flipping it over repeatedly, while his cat, Perseus softly purred next to him. Remus Lupin had made him a mixtape. He had told Sirius that he would on the last day of classes but he hadn't believed it.

Sirius was lying in bed, wondering why he hadn't stuck the tape in his walkman yet. Perhaps, it was nerves. This was a big deal, after all. It wasn't every day that the bloke you secretly loved gave you a mixtape.

Not that Remus knew how Sirius felt about him, nor did he know the way he struggled to sleep at night wishing he could hold him, lie next to him, feel the warmth and breathing of his body. Today the universe had given Sirius an awesome gift.

He rolled over and grabbed his walkman from the nightstand. He pulled the tape from its casing, opened the walkman, slid the tape inside then closed it shut. Inside the case, was a sleeve, on which Remus had written the track listing of the songs he had recorded, but Sirius elected to set them aside and just focus, for the moment, on the way the music sounded.

His parents didn't let him listen to popular music much. They had raised him on classical music, opera or Christian music. Popular music was filled with sin, they said.

Of course, they couldn't control everything, especially now that he was sixteen. His best friend, James Potter, had played him loads of music, as had Remus, but he'd never really had anything that really belonged to him. Even his walkman was a gift from James that he had had to sneak into and out of his bedroom. But mow he had something from Remus that was wholly his, consisting of songs that Remus had chose especially for him.

Sirius slipped the headphones on over his ears, brushing his dark hair out of the way, and pressed play. His ears were immediately filled with a blippy, repeating sound of what sounded like a synthesiser. This was gradually followed by dramatic piano, which was then also followed by guitar and drums before a voice finally began to sing:

 _Out here in the fields_

 _I fight for my meals_

 _I get back into my living_

 _I don't need to fight_

 _To prove I'm right_

 _I don't need to be forgiven_

The song had a grand, moving feel to it and Sirius bobbed his head. By the time it arrived to the chorus of the phrase ' _Teenage wasteland_ ' being repeated he was hooked.

The next song Sirius had actually heard before and he whispered along to the chorus of:

 _But I would walk 500 miles_

 _And I would walk 500 more_

 _To be the man who walked 1,000 miles_

 _To fall down at your door_

James had played it to Sirius and told him how it made him think of Lily. Sirius had made fun of James for it and his seemingly hopeless crush on Lily Evans, but he felt bad now that he realised how much he wanted to believe Remus felt like this song was about him.

 _Ziggy played guitar_

 _Jamming good with Weird and Gilly_

 _And the spiders from Mars_

 _He played it left hand_

 _But made it too far_

 _Became the special man_

 _Then we were Ziggy's band_

This next song was definitely something interesting and Sirius had a strange urge to hop up and mime playing the guitar, but somehow resisted, though he did rock on the bed a bit hard, briefly stirring Perseus out of slumber, causing him to place a paw on his thigh, perhaps out of desperation.

 _She's a Killer Queen_

 _Gunpowder, gelatine_

 _Dynamite with a laser beam_

 _Guaranteed to blow your mind_

 _Anytime_

This song was magical! Sirius quickly reached over to the cassette case and pulled out the sleeve and read that it was "Killer Queen" by the band Queen. When he saw there was a couple more tracks by them on this side of the cassette he was very pleased.

Side A of the cassette played on with songs by The Smiths and XTC, according to the sleeve. He took special interest in a track entitled "Paint it Black" by The Rolling Stones.

 _I look inside myself and see my heart is black_

 _I see my red door I must have it painted black_

 _Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts_

 _It's not easy facing up when your whole world is black_

Again, Sirius wanted to see this as a veiled message given the appearance of his surname, though, this admittedly this wasn't a happy song, so he thought he should perhaps be cautious of reading too much into it.

 _Along this way_

 _Outside the prison gates_

 _I love the romance of crime_

 _And I wonder :_

 _Does anybody feel the same way I do?_

 _And is evil just something you are_

 _Or something you do?_

The lyrics of "Sister I'm a Poet" fascinated Sirius, though he was puzzled by Morrissey's inability to sing the title of the song in full during the chorus.

After that song, there was another Queen song that made Sirius bounce on the bed. He again awoke Perseus, who now decided to hop up on his chest, attempting to rest his black fluff against Sirius's face.

 _Your faith was strong but you needed proof_

 _You saw her bathing on the roof_

 _Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you_

 _She tied you to a kitchen chair_

 _She broke your throne, and she cut your hair_

 _And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah_

This next song, "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen according to the sleeve, was odd and puzzling. But the lyrics were evocative and moving even though he didn't exactly understand their meaning. He couldn't figure out if the song was meant to be religious but he somehow suspected that it was not.

 _How I wish, how I wish you were here_

 _We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year_

 _Running over the same old ground_

 _What have we found?_

 _The same old fears_

 _Wish you were here_

Sirius had heard a little Pink Floyd before and it hadn't really appealed to him that much but this song was interesting, he had to admit.

Finally, he reached the final song on Side A: "Don't Stop Me Now" by Queen.

 _Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time_

 _I feel alive and the world I'll turn it inside out - yeah_

 _And floating around in ecstasy_

 _So don't stop me now don't stop me_

 _'Cause I'm having a good time having a good time_

Suddenly, Sirius couldn't help himself. He sat straight up, knocking Perseus, who made a sad noise, off his chest. He leapt from the bed then danced along to the song. Something about it forced him to want to take the world on and let himself be free of all chains and inhibitions. For a few, short, ridiculous minutes he felt like anything was possible.

Perseus, old cat that he was, watched Sirius from the bed with a look that straddled the line between curiosity and indifference. Sirius patted his cat on the head then laid back down, apparently satisfied.

Once the song was over, Sirius pulled the headphones off his head and set his walkman down. He then went over and grabbed his new mobile phone then immediately dialed Remus's number.

"Hello," Remus said after picking up.

"Remus! I've just listened to the first half of the tape you made me!" Sirius said, barely able to control his excitement.

"Oh?" Remus said, sounding strangely unenthused.

"Yes. It was fantastic! I'm really loving Queen, actually," Sirius said.

"That's wonderful," Remus said.

Sirius felt his excitement taking a small hit. Why wasn't Remus more excited? He had gone to the trouble to make the tape and now that Sirius was telling him how much he loved it, Remus barely seemed interested.

"Are you still there?" Remus asked.

"Oh, sorry. Got distracted," Sirius lied.

Sirius knew Remus didn't like talking on the phone and decided that he should probably just leave him alone. He was clearly bothering him.

"Well, I'll just let you go then. I'll probably listen to the other side later," Sirius said.

"OK. Let me know what you think," Remus said.

"Goodbye," Sirius.

"Bye," Remus said and Sirius hung up.

* * *

Lily Evans lay on her bed, staring at her bedroom ceiling in the dark. She had taped glow in the dark stars all over her room. She'd been smoking weed and was definitely high and marveling at her good work. The phone rang and she groaned and tried to muster whatever energy she could to answer it. She was thankful she finally had her own line and no longer had to worry about phone calls disturbing her parents.

"Hello, Remus," Lily said, noticing his name on the caller ID, that she could barely read with what little light the stars produced.

"Hello, Lils," Remus said, sounding sort of pleased.

"What's the good news?" Lily said, flopping back on the bed.

"Sirius likes the tape!" Remus said.

"Does he? That's lovely," Lily said.

"You're high," Remus observed.

"Yes. Sorry," Lily said.

"Don't be," Remus said.

Lily shrugged pointlessly, and said, "All right. I'm not."

"Sirius says he's loving Queen. You were right about that," Remus said.

"See! You can always trust me," Lily said.

"Quite right, you were. He says he's going to play the other side later. I can't wait to see what he thinks about Pulp or Radiohead," Remus said.

"He'll love it, I'm sure," Lily said, then yawned and stretched.

"You seem tired. I'll let you go," Remus said.

"All right, Remus," Lily said.

"Good night, Lily," Remus said.

"Good night," she replied and heard him hang up.

Lily had no intention of going to sleep just yet, but she knew Remus didn't like talking on the phone all that much, so she didn't attempt to dissuade him. And she was far too high for good conversation anyhow, though she could feel her high beginning to fade.

She wished she had put on some music because now she felt too low on energy to get up and bother. She could go for some Pulp right now, herself. Lily hoped things worked out between the boys sometime soon. Watching them both pine over each other was worse than anything she'd ever seen on Eastenders. She wanted them to skip all the bullshit and get to the part where they are making out and holding hands.

She supposed it kept her entertained but at the end of the day she just wanted to see Remus happy. He'd been pining over Sirius Black for nearly two years now. He deserved a little relief.

She wondered if things were this bad for Sirius's best friend, James Potter. She wondered if Sirius Black ever called James Potter to talk about how much he longed to be in the arms of Remus Lupin or if he cried on James's shoulder, believing that Remus would never love him. Probably, she decided.

Of course, she also wondered if James Potter called Sirius Black to talk about her. Yes, she knew that James fancied her. According to Remus, it had begun from the moment he first saw her. James had also made his interest very clear from time to time, but for the longest time she'd simply thought he was too immature.

And then just when she was beginning to think he had grown up and was starting to live up to his good looks and natural charm, they had all gone and played that nasty prank on her former friend, Severus Snape.

In many ways, Lily still had a low opinion of Sev. He had bullied Remus relentlessly in disgusting ways and even now he continued to be nasty to other students and his new friends really were an awful sort. But the prank James, Sirius, Peter and Remus had pulled on Sev had nearly gotten him killed.

It had been James's idea for Remus to dress up as werewolf and scare Sev while he was alone by the River Tame in Uppermill with family on holiday. They'd been successful, but he had injured himself in the river and nearly drown. Sev had been unable to prove it was them but he had called her, still having her number after all these years, and accused them of doing it and promising to pay them back somehow.

Sev had never done anything to retaliate, but Lily had shared a great many cross words with Remus and his friends. But it had now been a year and they'd all moved past it, she supposed. James had seemed different all year and ever so handsome. Oh god, James Potter had become _very_ handsome.

He was tall. Not as tall as Sirius Black was but nearly. A few years ago he had seemed a little awkward, lanky and too thin but now he seemed more… cool and he had _really_ filled out. She made a mental note to try and tag along to any beach trips the lads might take during summer break. Not that she was convinced she would remember any mental notes she took right now.

Lily rolled over and sighed, thinking about James Potter. She imagined his pouty lips and fine facial features, his messy hair that looked cuter than it had any bloody right to, his hazel eyes that she sometimes caught looking her over. She thought more about his lips and felt her body flush. Yes, she wondered what those lips would feel like on hers. She wondered what his big hands would feel like touching her body, or the feel of his body heat and the touch of his bare skin against her.

Lily grunted and rubbed her thighs together in frustration. She definitely wasn't getting any sleep now.

* * *

"I just don't know, James," Sirius said, perhaps, for the tenth time in the last hour.

James was struggling to remain conscious. He covered his mobile and yawned. After removing his hand he said, "So you've said, mate. Just sleep on it."

"I can't sleep! I just… I thought it was something special, but then I talked to Remus and he barely seemed interested!" Sirius said, his voice strained and distressed.

"I think you're making too much of it. Remus hates talking on the phone. Anyway, he never has struck me as the sort of bloke to be obvious about his emotions," James replied.

Sirius went silent, possibly contemplating this. James had rarely seen Remus actually display anything resembling strong emotion before. If he was upset he brooded silently. If he was happy he would smile but he never seemed too excited about anything, except for those shining moments where James assumed he truly let go of whatever walls he was putting up to protect himself from being hurt.

"I just don't know," Sirius repeated.

James could hear Perseus loudly purring, probably demanding his owner give him due attention. James sighed, and wished he knew what to tell his best friend. Remus and Sirius ending up together felt like the inevitable end to a good story: good friends turned lovers after years of pining in mutual silence, finally together as they kiss in the rain and the music swells dramatically.

Except, in this story, they were both blokes. For some reason, that wasn't usually the case in movies. While boys and girls getting together suited James just fine, he had to admit it had to suck for those who weren't as into that.

"I'm telling you, Sirius: try and get some sleep. Your head will feel clearer in the morning," James said.

Sirius sighed on the other hand.

"Perhaps so. Good night, James," Sirius said.

"Night, mate," James said and hung up.

James set his phone on the night stand. He wondered about himself and Lily Evans. If Remus and Sirius were the friends kissing in the rain, overcoming all odds, what were he and Lily? He had to admit that the chances of her of wanting to be with him seemed slim.

He and Lily were friends but not in the way that Remus and Sirius were friends. Lily had always been Remus's best friend and a mutual friend of their entire group including himself, Remus, Sirius and Peter Pettigrew. She wasn't a part of their group but she was sort of adjacent to it.

James leaned back over, removed his glasses and turned off his lamp. With the lights out, he rolled over onto his side and thought more about Lily. Everything she did was amazing. He loved the way she smiled and the way she laughed. The way she seemed to care about everyone, even nasty gits like Severus Snape. She always saw the best in everyone. He couldn't relate to that but he could certainly admire it.

He loved how she was so smart without seeming nerdy or bookish in a way that bored him. It was a casual sort of intelligence.

But she liked to smoke marijuana and babble about the meaning of life and God, at least according to Remus. He'd never known any pot smokers who also had good grades and always showed up for class.

Lily was a special sort of girl. And she was really very, very pretty. He was no match for her dark red hair, green eyes and thin but soft looking lips that were always painted bright red. Her smile seemed to waver between warm and kind to sly and mischievous.

But what must she think of him, silly, immature, prankster, James Potter? He sighed. Such an amazing girl like Lily Evans would never have any use for such as him. James could feel himself beginning to drifting off to sleep. He liked to imagine himself falling asleep in Lily's arms. He wondered if that made him silly.

* * *

 _I want to live like common people_

 _I want to do whatever common people do_

 _I want to sleep with common people_

 _I want to sleep with common people_

 _Like you_

Sirius had been unable to sleep, no matter how hard he tried. So instead he was lying in bed listening to Side B of Remus's mixtape. Sirius had heard Remus and Lily talk about Pulp frequently. Lily loved them apparently. Sirius felt like he might've heard this song before but he wasn't sure. It was enjoyable, though.

 _Caught your hand inside the till_

 _Slammed your fingers in the door_

 _Fought with kitchen knives and skewers_

 _Dressed me up in women's clothes_

 _Messed around with gender roles_

 _Line my eyes and call me pretty_

He was also almost positive that he had heard "Laid" by James before. He supposed with Side B consisting of newer songs he'd've had more chance to have heard them before. The following songs by The Cranberries, Blur and Radiohead were all also familiar in a vague sort of way. The Radiohead song was enjoyable in particular:

 _But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo_

 _What the hell am I doing here?_

 _I don't belong here_

Sirius sometimes thought this was how he felt around Remus, even if that made no real sense. But something about the song rang true for him.

The mixtape continued with more Pulp, Belle and Sebastian, more Radiohead and R.E.M.. The R.E.M. song, "Nightswimming", was enchanting:

 _Nightswimming,_

 _remembering that night_

 _September's coming soon_

 _I'm pining for the moon_

 _And what if there were two_

 _Side by side in orbit around the fairest sun?_

 _The bright tide forever drawn_

 _Could not describe nightswimming_

The words made him cry for reasons he couldn't really explain. He closed his eyes and imagined himself and Remus swimming in a lake together, lit only by moonlight. They were naked and laughing, placing their hands on each others arms and pulling together, magnetically, their mouths hot and hungry as they pressed together, hearts pounding out of control.

As "Street Spirit (Fade Out)" by Radiohead finished the tape, Sirius found himself lost in the moonlit waters of longing, desire and the oncoming relief of sleep. He was vaguely aware of Perseus stirring at his feet but nothing else after that.


	2. Chapter 2 - A Musical Date

_July 25, 1999_

Remus sat waiting for Sirius in Alexandra Park. It was a common meeting place for their group, but today Remus had decided to invite Sirius alone. Sirius had still been sleeping when Remus called. It had apparently been pretty late before he had managed to get to sleep. He had finished Side B of the mixtape and promised that he loved it.

Sirius had agreed to meet up with Remus at one o'clock. Remus had now been here since eleven o'clock. He always believed it was better to be early for something rather than late but sometimes he took it a little too extreme.

Remus wished he had a mobile phone like James and Sirius did. At least then Sirius could call to let him know he was on the way. Remus obsessively checked his watch the entire time. When Sirius was even just five minutes late Remus panicked, fearing this was a definite sign of his possible lack of interest. Of course, being fashionably late was part of Sirius's charm. Remus _knew_ that, but it didn't stop him from feeling nervous.

Sirius finally arrived at fifteen minutes past one. He was wearing a blue button up shirt and black slacks. As he got close enough, Remus noticed Sirius had undone an extra button at the top of his shirt, revealing a hint of his pale chest.

"Sorry I'm late. Buses are ridiculous today," Sirius said.

Remus gave him a half smile and they started walking together, along the path of the park.

"So you've been enjoying Queen?" Remus said.

"Absolutely! I must admit that I did enjoy Side A of the tape a bit more than Side B," Sirius said.

"That's fair. I tried to present a good mix of things from my collection. I'm afraid Lily has rubbed off on me a great deal," Remus said.

Remus was desperately trying to figure out how to spin the conversation about the mixtape into an opportunity to ask Sirius out on a date. What would he say? Invite Sirius to his bedroom to listen to music? They could listen to Queen and have a snog. That sounded bloody fantastic, but Remus wasn't sure it made for the most meaningful first date.

"I should come over to your place and let you play me some more Queen," Sirius said with a big grin, shocking Remus.

Remus didn't answer and instead kept glancing over at Sirius, trying to think fast. Were things moving too fast? Was this the wrong way to do it? Did it really make sense to just jump straight to the snogging? Wait, what if he didn't _want_ to snog? What then?

"We should have supper together first," Remus said.

Now it was Sirius's turn to look shocked and silent. Remus's heart was pounding. He couldn't believe this was happening.

"All right. Where at?" Sirius asked.

Remus looked around while he thought. Nothing was coming to mind but he had a different idea.

"My flat. I'll cook," Remus said then smiled.

"I didn't know you could cook," Sirius said, looking surprised.

Remus shrugged.

"I can a bit," Remus said.

"What about your parents and sister?" Sirius asked.

"Out of town. They'll be back late tonight," Remus said.

Remus wondered what Sirius must be thinking right now. His grey eyes were filled with wonder and excitement.

"Sounds great," Sirius said.

Remus looked at his watch.

"We should go ahead and head to my flat. You can watch telly while I cook," Remus said.

* * *

James Potter stared at his mobile phone with trepidation. He'd had Lily's number for some time but he'd never actually ringed her before. He'd been thinking about ringing her for an hour but he couldn't figure out what he would say.

He wanted to ask her to spend some time with him. She'd been around him and the other lads plenty but they'd never just spent time together. He didn't know if she could ever be attracted to him but maybe if they just spent some time together the sparks would fly. Chemistry would pull them together and James would be so very happy.

"Come on, Potter. Don't be coward," James whispered to himself as he finally dialed her number.

James expected it to take a few rings before she would answer but instead was caught off guard when she picked up after one ring and said, "Hello, James."

"Oh, uh, hi, Lils," James said, wondering if it was acceptable to use her nickname like Remus did.

"Are you all right?" Lily asked.

"Fabulous. Never better," James said.

Lily went silent and James coughed, nervously.

"Did you need something?" Lily asked.

"No. Not need. Want. Need's too strong a word," James said and gulped.

James placed the palm of his hand over his face and shook his head in shame. What was it about this girl that so reduced him to a bumbling mess? Oh, he remembered: _everything_.

"Feel free to spit it out then," Lily urged.

James took a deep breath then in a quick burst said, "I was wondering if you wanted to hang out with me some time."

"What, like a date?" Lily asked.

James felt his heart pounding and thought he might be shaking. He just needed to act confident.

"Yeah. A date," James said, cooly.

"Sure. Why not?" Lily said.

"Tomorrow for lunch, fine?" James said.

"Yeah. It's Sunday, so everything will be closing early tonight, anyhow," Lily said.

"I'll find a restaurant and let you know tomorrow," James said.

"Excellent. See you then," Lily said.

"Cheers," James said and heard her hang up.

James collapsed onto his bed. Somehow he had done it. He had actually asked Lily Evans out on a date… and she had said yes!

James's mobile began to ring and he jumped a little before answering it.

"Hello?" James said.

"James! It's Sirius," Sirius said, as if James didn't know his voice.

"What's up, mate?"

"I'm at Remus's flat. We're alone and he's cooking food and then we're going to listen to music together and I can't stop shaking because I'm so excited and I feel like I might faint!" Sirius shouted into the phone.

James could hear the sound of traffic and realised that Sirius was actually probably _outside_ of Remus's flat.

"Congratulations. I wish you both the best. Believe it or not I've just had success in asking out Lily Evans. We've got a date tomorrow for lunch," James replied, smugly.

"Do you? That's incredible. Everything is coming together," Sirius said.

"Indeed it is," James said.

"Well, if neither of us fuck it up," Sirius said.

"Don't say that! We'll do fine. You should go back inside," James said.

"Remus is just cooking. I tried to watch telly but nothing interested me," Sirius said.

"I'm going to let you go, Sirius. Stop ignoring your date!" James said.

"Oh, all right. Fine. Talk to you later then," Sirius said, thenJames hung up, longing to get back to basking in the glory of having a date with Lily.

* * *

Sirius shoveled a final bite of potato into his mouth, then set his fork down in defeat. Remus's meal wasn't exactly a Sunday roast but it had been surprisingly good and he was feeling very full.

"That was superb, Remus. Cheers," Sirius said.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. If you'd like we can go to my bedroom for a bit," Remus said then stood up.

"Yes. Let's!" Sirius said and followed Remus into his room.

They stepped inside and Remus quickly turned on a couple of lamps, which still left the room fairly dark. The room was far more low-key than Sirius's. It wasn't very large and an old wooden desk that carried Remus's computer, a dresser that held his stereo, a night stand and a small double bed were the only pieces of furniture. There were small lamps on the desk and night stand. There were books laying nearly anywhere there was free surface.

"Looks like you need a bookshelf," Sirius observed.

"Don't have the space," Remus said with a shrug and a frown.

Remus walked over to his stereo, his fingers fumbling through the records that were leaning against it. The stereo was a combo record player, CD player and cassette player. Sirius was surprised such a thing even existed.

"If we're going to listen to Queen we really have to start with 'A Night at the Opera'," Remus said, pulling out a record from it's sleeve, which he set aside before placing the record on the turntable.

Sirius hopped on Remus's bed, pushing his back against a pillow. The bed wasn't really big enough for two people to lay comfortably, but Sirius thought being uncomfortably close to Remus didn't sound like a bad thing. As piano began to fade in, Remus slid onto the bed next to him, their bare forearms touching.

By the time guitar and vocals had both finally started Sirius was finding it difficult to concentrate on the music. He'd never been this close to Remus before. Neither of them was saying anything and Sirius wasn't sure what he was supposed to do.

Should he try to get closer? Was it presumptuous to just leave his arm there? Was Remus just waiting for him to move it? Or perhaps, Remus was waiting to see what Sirius would do next. Maybe, Sirius just needed to make the next move. But what if the next move he made was actually the _wrong_ move?

Remus shifted his leg, pushing it against Sirius's. OK, there was no way _that_ was an accident. Sirius pushed his leg slightly closer to Remus's as a test to see if he'd move it. He didn't and Sirius felt his pulse begin race.

Remus was looking over at his stereo, only allowing Sirius to see his fine features from the side, just a hint of his full lips and the scar that went across his face, a wound from a kidnapping as a child. Remus licked his lips and Sirius found himself doing the same, almost on instinct. He had spent many restless nights, including last night, fantasizing about how Remus's lips would feel against his.

Not that Sirius had ever snogged anyone before. He had often marveled over how such an odd thing could seem so desirable when he was younger. But that was before he met Remus Lupin. He'd never truly understood the concept of desire before meeting Remus Lupin.

 _You're the first one_

 _When things turn out bad_

 _You know I'll never be lonely_

 _You're my only one_

 _And I love the things_

 _I really love the things that you do_

 _Ooh you're my best friend_

Sirius wasn't even sure how many songs had played at this point. He did however know at some point that the record would need to be flipped over and at that point Remus would, for a moment at least, no longer be so close to his body. It would be a shame for all that tension to go to waste, he thought.

Cautiously, Sirius touched the tips of his fingers to the tops Remus's fingers. Remus's fingers twitched in acknowledgement and he spread them open as Sirius slid his fingers in-between them and squeezed. He still wasn't looking at Sirius, clearly pretending to be casual and aloof. But he could feel Remus squeezing back.

Every part of Sirius desperately wanted to roll over and envelope himself in Remus Lupin. He wanted to feel his lips, the heat and weight of his body, he wanted Remus to feel his desire and he wanted to feel like Remus desired him back. He wanted to tell Remus how beautiful he was and show him how much he truly believed it. He wanted to explore the wonders of his body and know Remus in ways he'd only dreamt of.

 _Seaside Rendezvous - so adorable_

 _Seaside Rendezvous - ooh hoo_

 _Seaside Rendezvous - give us a kiss_

There was silence and it was obvious that Side A of the record was over. Remus didn't move at first. Sirius looked over and Remus was breathing hard. His grip on Sirius's fingers hadn't loosened in the slightest.

Finally, Remus sighed and got up to flip the record over. Sirius lamented the possibility that he had missed his moment. He had, no doubt, failed to act and now the only time the stars would ever align to bring them together had passed. Remus would surely get back on the bed and keep a more cautious distance, a symbol of Sirius's failure.

Instead, Remus flipped the record over then hopped back onto the bed and pushed himself against Sirius, his shoulder overlapping with Sirius, his arm on his, his hand grasping his hand and his leg pushed against his leg. The moment had _not_ in fact passed.

Sirius was still stuck in a quandary. He had no idea how to proceed. Was this a normal pace? Would they just continue to slowly pull together this way? Or would they pull together until the tension was too great and then fall apart from a failure to seal the connection?

Sirius turned his body slightly and guided their arms to Remus's thigh instead. Sirius slid himself tighter against Remus who made no argument. God, if only Sirius could know what Remus was thinking right now. But they both remained silent, fumbling their way through the tension.

 _Take good core of what you've got_

 _My father said to me_

 _As he puffed his pipe and Baby B._

 _He dandled on his knee_

 _Don't fool with fools who'll turn away_

 _Keep all Good Company_

Sirius attempted to rock his body to this track and Remus, to his surprise, rocked with him. It had an interesting old timey vibe to it that provided great appeal. He thought it was possible that he loved this Queen record but he was so deeply enthralled with the moment that he really wasn't sure.

But as the next song began, Sirius was confident that his assessment was accurate:

 _Is this the real life?_

 _Is this just fantasy?_

 _Caught in a landslide_

 _No escape from reality_

 _Open your eyes_

 _Look up to the skies and see_

 _I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy_

 _Because I'm easy come, easy go_

 _A little high, little low_

 _Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me, to me_

Sirius had never heard such an amazingly interesting song before. Remus was smiling and Sirius couldn't help but smile too. Sirius was only slightly taken off guard when the melody changed and Remus rolled over on top of him.

 _I see a little silhouetto of a man_

 _Scaramouch, scaramouch will you do the fandango_

 _Thunderbolt and lightning very very frightening me_

 _Gallileo, Gallileo_

 _Gallileo, Gallileo_

 _Gallileo Figaro - magnifico_

Sirius gasped as Remus pushed his full lips deeply into his thin ones, then slowly pulled them away. Remus's body was hovering above his and in-between his legs, his arms pressing down onto either side of Sirius's body. He kissed Sirius again, their lips effortlessly gliding together. Remus's breath was hot and his tongue was wet as it briefly grazed Sirius's tongue.

Sirius trembled, his body thrown into panic by the object of his desire finally giving himself over. Remus moaned as they snogged and Sirius felt himself become uncomfortably hard in his trousers.

Remus's hands gripped Sirius's sides as they continued to snog. Remus's touch was gentle but firm. He was stronger than he looked. Remus's groin still hovered over Sirius's and Sirius wanted desperately to pull him down.

Instead, he moved his hands to Remus's back then let them slide down to his arse, which he squeezed. Sirius had admired the look of Remus's arse in the right pair of trousers before but it was magnificent thing to feel in his hands, beautifully shaped and tight. Was there anything about him that wasn't perfect?

Remus moved his mouth away and kissed down Sirius's cheek as he made his way to his ear.

"I've wanted you since the first time I ever saw you," Remus said.

"Really?" Sirius asked in disbelief.

"Really," Remus confirmed then nuzzled Sirius's neck, giving him chills.

 _Nothing really matters_

 _Anyone can see_

 _Nothing really matters nothing really matters to me_

Remus kissed Sirius on the cheek again then finally lowered his groin down into Sirius's, before kissing him slowly on the mouth again as a guitar based version of "God Save the Queen" played to close out the record. Sirius could feel Remus's hardness sliding vaguely near his own.

And then there were sounds of the front door of the flat opening, accompanied by voices. Remus's family was home.

"Shit," Remus whispered and rolled off of Sirius.

Sirius wondered if Remus's parents knew that he was gay. His own parents certainly didn't, though he thought his little brother, Regulus, might have suspicions.

"Remus?" a woman, obviously Remus's mum, called out.

Remus looked horrified and yelled, "I'm in my room, mum!"

"You don't want to say hello?" she asked.

"I have a friend over," Remus said.

"Your friend doesn't want to say hello? Is it Sirius?" she asked.

"Yes," Remus yelled.

Sirius could see a very visible bulge in the crotch of Remus's trousers and didn't blame Remus for not wanting to greet his family like that.

"I'll be out in a moment. Sirius was just about to leave," Remus said.

Sirius felt disappointed and frustrated but he really couldn't complain. Something was finally happening between them, whatever it might be.

"I'm sorry, Sirius. My parents know I'm gay but I'm worried finding me making out with a bloke might be more than they can handle just yet," Remus said.

Sirius smiled at Remus and reached over and placed his palm on Remus's cheek. Unable to help themselves, they kissed again, this time more sweet and fleeting, before pulling away.

Remus got up and put the record away, probably to distract himself. Sirius checked his phone. He had missed a call from Peter. He hadn't heard from Pete since summer break started a few days ago. He did wonder what he had been up to.

After a few minutes they composed themselves and left the room, both trying to act casual. It was nice seeing Remus's parents and his little sister. He hadn't spent as much time with them as he had James's parents, but they seemed to be good people.

Sirius said goodbye to all of them and Remus walked him down to the street.

"It was good spending time with you," Remus said.

"To say the least," Sirius said with a grin.

"We'll have to do it again sometime," Remus added.

Sirius looked at Remus. Was that really all he had to say? No, he didn't exactly expect Remus to snog him right here on the sidewalk. The world was getting better for people like them but no fast enough. The fear of violence was always in the back of Sirius's mind.

"Definitely," Sirius said and slapped Remus on the arm then began walking to his bus.


	3. Chapter 3 - An Unexpected Connection

_July 26, 1999_

Lily smiled at herself in the mirror. She hadn't really been sure what to wear for her date with James Potter. She supposed she didn't really _need_ * to impress him since he already seemed fairly enamoured with her. But on the other hand, she liked looking nice and she rarely had a good reason to bother. Seemed a shame not to take advantage of the moment.

She had opted to put her hair into bun and wear her favourite white sundress that was patterned with dark red roses. It only gave a hint of cleavage and she thought that was more than enough.

For makeup she had decided to use her lipstick that perfectly matched both the shade of her hair and the roses on the dress. She had put on enough eyeliner to make her eyes really stand out but not enough that she looked vaguely gothic, a particular risk because she was so pale. That was definitely not her style, though she wasn't sure what her style was exactly.

Lily left the bathroom and went back to her bedroom to grab her purse. She was feeling sort of nervous, which she didn't expect. She supposed she didn't go on dates with cute blokes very often and when she did they were usually vague acquaintances at best. James Potter was sort of a friend, and a really bloody handsome one at that. And he _liked*_ her.

Lily sighed and wished she had time to smoke a joint. Instead, she left the flat to get on the bus that would take her to the restaurant where James was probably already waiting.

* * *

James got off the bus and walked to the restaurant, realising he was already five minutes late to a date _he*_ asked for. He supposed it was only natural that he would find a way to mess up his only chance with Lily Evans.

He wasn't at all surprised that Lily was standing outside the restaurant waiting when he arrived. She looked simply radiant, standing in the sunlight with a smile on her red painted lips. She'd put her hair up. He'd never seen her do that. And she was wearing a dress! He'd only seen her wear skirts for school. She was taking this far more serious than he expected.

"You look sharp, James," Lily said as he approached, his hands in his pockets.

James had opted to wear a white dress shirt and khaki slacks. He was worried if he went too formal he might put her off.

"Cheers. And you too. You look absolutely stunning," James said.

Lily leaned over and planted a kiss on his cheek. James chuckled and lead them into the restaurant.

* * *

Lily took a sip of her lemonade then glanced over at James who was grinning shyly. She supposed it was flattering that she reduced someone like James Potter to shyness. In addition to being very good looking, he was normally more confident and outgoing. But now he was sitting across from her and not really saying much while they waited for their food.

Lily lifted her eyebrows and grinned at him. Apparently, she looked silly because he laughed.

"You're laughing at me!" Lily accused, before laughing herself.

"Only because you're hilarious," James said, grinning sheepishly.

Lily huffed, but said, "Cheers."

Lily tried to think up a way to get conversation going. Remus and Sirius were busy bonding over music. Actually, according to Remus, he and Sirius really had bonded over Queen last night. She thought it was a shame they got interrupted by his parents and felt privately pleased that her parents were gone this week.

"So what sort of music do you listen to, James?" Lily asked.

"I listen to a lot of oldies. The Beach Boys, The Beatles, Simon & Garfunkel, that sort of stuff," James said.

"Just oldies? Nothing more current?" Lily asked.

James shrugged, then placed a dark hand on his chin in thought.

"Sometimes I listen to the radio. I like Smashing Pumpkins all right," James said.

"Have you heard Pulp?" Lily asked.

"Yeah, I have. Can't say I fancy them," James said.

Lily frowned. Bonding over music wasn't looking promising.

* * *

The food had been superb, James thought. If only the conversation had gone as well. He wondered why he was so damn nervous, until he got a glimpse of Lily's eyes or her smile and immediately felt like he was going to melt. He needed to think quick if this wasn't all going to fall apart.

"So I was wondering, Lily, if you might like to go to the cinema next," James said hopefully.

Lily scrunched up her face with a look of consideration but nodded and said, "Yeah. Sure"

"What would you like to see?" James asked.

"Something horror maybe?" Lily said.

Lily liked horror? This was surprising and exciting.

"Bride of Chucky is out. I've never seen the original films but some blokes at school said it was fun. Gothic horror is more my thing, if I'm being honest. Actually, The Haunting comes out here in September. Have you seen the original?" James asked.

"I'm afraid not. Is it good?" Lily asked.

"Absolutely. I've read the original novel by Shirley Jackson as well," James said.

Lily looked surprised and gave him a sly smile.

"You'll forgive me, I didn't take you for a book reader, James," Lily admitted.

"That's fair. I don't read as much as I should. But I like gothic stories and some horror. Ghost stories especially," James said.

"See, I like horror too. Remus or Dorcas never want to watch it with me. Actually, I don't think Remus likes movies much, just books and music," Lily said.

"I'd be more than happy to watch it with you. I mean I do prefer ghosts and more psychological stuff but I don't mind the odd slasher, I suppose. Scream was great fun, wasn't it?" James said.

Lily laughed and nodded.

"Yes, James, I'd love to go see Bride of Chucky with you," Lily said.

James grinned and looked around for their server.

* * *

"That was funny," Lily said.

"Definitely. Bloody weird though," James said.

"It was a love story," Lily said.

"Strange love, that," James observed.

Lily and James had left the cinema and were now just walking along the sidewalk. Lily wasn't sure what they would do now. It was nearly evening.

"A bit, yeah. Say, James. How'd you like to come home with me and watch another movie with me. I've got a bunch on tape," Lily said.

"What about your mum and dad?" James asked.

"They aren't home right now," Lily said, deciding she wasn't going to tell him how long they would be gone for now.

"All right. Sounds cool," James said.

A short bus ride later and they were at Lily's flat. Lily showed James to the sofa where he promptly plopped down. James had never seen A Nightmare on Elm Street before. Lily's favourite was the third film, Dream Warriors, but she thought it best to start with the first one.

After putting the tape in the player Lily sat down on the sofa next to James. She wanted to sit close but not _too_ * close yet, leaving several centimeters between them. She was hoping they'd at least get a good snog in before he left.

"Bloody hell," James said, after the sequence involving a teenage girl being brutally murdered by Freddy Krueger then having her body dragged up the wall to the ceiling before falling down in a giant splash of blood.

"Literally," Lily said and James chuckled.

"Your parents let you watch stuff like this?" James asked.

"They're pretty relaxed, I suppose," Lily said.

"I'm surprised the government didn't ban this with all the Video Nasties," James said.

Lily shrugged and slid a little closer to James while pretending to adjust her body for comfort. Oops, she thought, then smiled at her own cleverness.

James, for his part, seemed tense as the film wore on. He clearly didn't normally watch films this… visceral. She hoped he wasn't getting too little enjoyment out of it. When, Freddy murdered Rod in his cell, James began to lean into Lily. Smoothly, she lifted an arm around his shoulders and squeezed.

"That's ridiculous! All that blood! That doesn't even make sense!" James shouted after the character of Glen, played by Johnny Depp, was murdered.

"It really doesn't, does it?" Lily laughed.

At this point, their bodies were right against each other. Lily kept glancing over at James's full, sensual lips and longing to explore them but she didn't want to interrupt the film. It was nearly over.

At the film's close James laughed when Nancy's mom was pulled through the door.

"That effect was terrible. It didn't at all look like a real person!" James shouted, in the midst of laughter.

Lily laughed as well while nodding. Once the credits started rolling she stopped the tape, leaving the room silent.

"I hope it wasn't too terrible," Lily said.

"No, I loved it. I mean it was a bit gory for my taste, but it's a scary idea, this notion of a man stalking you in your dreams," James said, then licked his lips.

Lily noticed that he was gazing into her eyes and she smiled at him then leaned over and pressed her mouth into his. Lily moved her hands to James's sides. He was solid and lean, and not at all bony like she thought he would be. He trembled in her arms and shifted nervously. He moaned as their lips slid against each other and Lily moaned in response.

Lily lifted her legs onto the sofa and pushed James back, being careful not to let him hit his head on the arm of the sofa, feeling thankful there was a cushion there. Lily placed her hands on his shoulders while their lips messily moved together. James's big hands stroked her back over her dress.

Lily dragged her hands from his shoulders to his chest, where she pressed her hands down, feeling the firmness of his muscles and grasping his shirt with her fingers. Lily moved her mouth to his neck where she sucked hard, making him jump and gasp. She then leaned up and began to undo the buttons of his shirt. His bare chest exposed, she pulled the rest of his shirt open and began to kiss down from his neck to his chest, locating one of his dark nipples, which she lightly sucked on.

"Oh," James said as his hands slid round to her bum and squeezed.

Lily sucked on the other nipple then moved her mouth back to his and pressed their lips together, roughly then leaned up.

"Bedroom?" she asked.

"Yeah," James said and nodded.

* * *

James entered Lily's bedroom and flung off his shirt. He then removed his glasses and set them aside on an end table. Lily was pulling her dress over her head and gazing at, what appeared to be, his groin, his erection obvious. James couldn't believe this was happening. He'd be lying to himself if he didn't admit that he'd been hoping for a snog after their date but shagging was something else entirely.

Lily was now smiling at him and removing her bra, which she let fall to the floor. Her breasts were large and nicely shaped. Her nipples were very pale, pink and hard. James liked the shape of Lily's body, her full bosom, wide hips and soft belly. She was tall for a girl and had long legs and thick thighs. His hands could attest to the perfect roundness of her arse.

Everything about her looked real and whole in ways that didn't even make sense to him. She was absolute perfection and he couldn't possibly desire her more. Even her playful smile made him want to come.

She then walked over to him, still in her floral patterned knickers, and gave him a light shove onto the bed. Lily climbed onto the bed then then straddled his groin, resting his prick between her legs.

"Shit," James gasped, afraid he might come if she were to even move to quickly.

"Everything OK?" Lily asked.

"Yes. I've just… I've never done this before," James said.

"That's fine. Don't worry about it," Lily said, reassuringly.

James hadn't even considered the possibility that perhaps this wasn't the first time for Lily. He didn't care though he had to admit he was curious. She seemed far more confident than he felt at the moment.

Lily smiled and leaned over, laying her torso against his, feeling the heaviness of her breasts and the hardness of her nipples against his chest. Her mouth found his and gave him a long, deep kiss with a hint of her wet tongue. She tasted like raspberries. Her pelvis softly rocked, rubbing herself against his prick. His balls ached painfully in his pants and he could feel dampness at the head of his cock.

He moved his hands to her back, feeling the softness of her smooth, pale skin. He then squeezed and held her tightly against him while she sucked on his neck again.

"Fuck," James moaned, feeling his cock twitch in response.

Lily giggled then playfully nuzzled him.

"You're unbelievable, Lily," James said.

Lily smiled and said, "I know," then gave him a wink.

* * *

Lily lifted herself up and stroked James's best chest with her hands. God, he was sexy, she thought. His hair was a mess, he had a goofy grin, he didn't seem to know what he was doing, but he was gorgeous, like a big, sexy, bloody idiot.

"What do you say we get your trousers off?" Lily said, then bit her bottom lip.

"Yeah," James said and nodded enthusiastically.

Lily rolled off of him and then scooted down until she was closer to his groin. She then undid his belt, unbuttoned then unzipped his trousers. She then slowly pulled his trousers down, slid off the bed then completely pulled them from his legs.

The bulge in his pants was significant. With some embarrassment she recalled earlier that year when she had shagged Remus on a mutual whim. He had been large to the point of intimidation. She hoped James wasn't that large.

Nervously, she climbed back on the bed and slowly removed his pants, revealing a shaft that was very thick but a great deal shorter than Remus's.

"Hmm," Lily said and wrapped her hand around the shaft, as best she could.

James said nothing, but was breathing heavy through his open mouth. James's foreskin covered nearly all of his cock, even while hard, leaving only just the wet tip of the head protruding from the top. Lily moved her hand to the top of his shaft and slid his foreskin down.

The head of his prick was much wider than the shaft, which was itself quite wide. It felt hard, hot and heavy to her touch. They would need a good amount of lube but she was thankful his penis wasn't as long as Remus's had been.

Lily lightly squeezed and stroked his shaft, letting his velvety foreskin glide with her fingers. Touching the head got some of his sticky pre-cum on her fingers, but she didn't mind, instead just rubbing it into his shaft.

Lily moved her hand down to his balls, which she lightly fondled.

"Careful. They're sore," James said.

Lily nodded. They felt much heavier than she had expected. Lily smiled back up at him as she moved her hand back to his shaft, which she rubbed with the palm of her hand.

Lily began to think about the situation in her knickers. She could feel swollen aching and dampness that was longing to be explored.

"OK. My turn," Lily said and flopped over on her back next to him with a grin.

* * *

James lifted himself off the bed. Lily's legs were spread apart before him, her index finger casually tracing the top edge of her knickers. James climbed between her legs and knelt before her. He bent over and grasped her knickers with two hands and pulled down, revealing a full mound of a curly, dark red hair, barely hiding her slit. Warmth and a pleasant musk emanated enticingly and he lowered his face to the hair and inhaled, letting out a small, pleased sound.

Lily made her own happy sound and he felt her fingers playing with the back of his hair. He dragged his face down to her slit, letting his nose slide between the lips, feeling her soft, hot flesh as she moaned and clenched her legs.

James pulled his face away and spread her lips apart, so he could get a clear look at the swollen flesh inside. He licked his lips, suggestively and smiled up at her. Lily looked excited and tense. Oh, the times he'd wanked himself, fantasizing about pleasing her with his mouth. Nothing was more exciting than imagining himself making her come.

The only trouble was that he'd never actually eaten a pussy before. He'd read books in bookstores when adults weren't looking, he'd watched internet porn and looked for advice online. Mostly, he had practised, sometimes on fruit, like oranges or grapefruit and sometimes on his own hand. It wasn't the same thing, but it was some sort of practise. Having the ability to pleasure his partner was important to James Potter and he didn't want to fuck it up.

James lowered his face and made a slow lap from beneath the nub of her clitoris. Lily squealed in response, making James smile. He lapped again, enjoying the bitter and salty taste of her flesh and the smell of her musk.

James steadily lapped her clit while she fumbled aimless with his hair and let out hard, ragged breaths and quiet moans. He could feel his own cock, hard, urgent and aching to be touched, twitching at her pleasure.

"Are you sure you've never done this before? That's just… lovely," Lily moaned.

James didn't respond, preferring to keep his face buried in her hot flesh, slowly ramping up the speed of his tongue.

"Fuck, James. You're gonna make me come so hard," Lily said, her voice becoming high and strained.

James didn't stop or change his rhythm. He knew he had her right where he wanted her as long as he kept going.

Lily began to whimper and her legs were squeezing agains him hard. Thinking about her coming nearly made _him_ * feel like coming and he wondered if he could get off just by focusing on her orgasm. He supposed he better try and not come for now.

Finally, Lily let out a gasp and moaned loudly.

"Oh. Ohhhh, shit!" Lily moaned, and he felt her pull on his hair gently as her body shook.

James really could feel himself nearly come and it took a great deal of mental effort to control himself, as she moaned her body continued to shudder with pleasure. He wasn't sure his balls had ever ached this bad.

Eventually, Lily relaxed and was breathing hard. She tapped his forehead and he moved his face away from her groin, a huge grin on his face.

"Very good, James. Now lie down," Lily said.

* * *

Lily didn't know exactly how the fuck James Potter had learned to give head that good and she didn't care. She hopped off the bed and pulled a condom out along with the lube. She tossed the condom to James who removed it from its wrapper and unrolled it onto his shaft with a small amount of effort.

Lily poured a generous amount of lube into her palm, set the bottle aside and then climbed onto the bed. Quickly, she rubbed the lube all over his shaft, James looking down with intensity. Lily then climbed on top of his body and leaned over, kissing him deeply, then pulling away and whispering in his ear, "I'm going to fuck the bloody hell out of you, James Potter."

James gulped and smiled with enthusiasm. Lily positioned his prick near her hole, holding the shaft with a hand. Even after coming she still felt an empty ache that longed to be filled. James's thick shaft was more than up to the task, though getting it inside comfortably wouldn't be simple. At least she had experience with this sort of problem.

Lily gently pushed herself down on the tip of his cock, immediately feeling it begin to stretch her. James reached down and rubbed her clit, helpfully. She greatly appreciated his devotion to her pleasure.

Lily began the process of pushing on and off his shaft, letting more and more of it slide inside of her. Even though he was very thick, she was confident that she could get all of his shaft inside of her, a confidence that bore true after several minutes and she was pushed all the way down on him, feeling unbelievably filled.

Lily rubbed his well toned chest, lightly pinching his nipples as she began to rock her pelvis, letting him very slowly slide out of her before pushing back down, enjoying the sensation of being filled again and again.

James was breathing hard and once again trembling. He stared up into her eyes. She could see the adoration projecting from his hazel eyes. She'd had sex before with Dorcas Meadowes and Remus but that was different. They were just friends and in many ways they'd only been experimenting. But as James's eyes were brimming with tears she realised this was bigger and more important. She was shagging a boy who really liked her and she sort of liked him too.

Lily began to to rock harder and faster. James clutched her sides and almost looked distressed.

"I can't hold on, Lils. I'm gonna come," James said, then let his hands slide down to her arse and squeeze.

Lily bounced on his cock as hard as she could and he threw his head back, letting out a loud howl of moan. She could feel his cock pulse inside of her and she squeezed her vaginal muscles tightly.

"Unnnhh," James groaned as Lily continued to fuck him, his cock still spasming inside her.

Lily bent over, still rocking and kissed his open mouth, unable to resist how sexy he looked as he came. His body relaxed, his arms falling to his sides. He stared at her in wonder, euphoria on his face.

Lily lifted off his prick, which was rapidly going soft. She rolled to his side, glancing at his prick, startled by how much of his spunk filled the condom.

"I should talk to my parents about getting on the pill," Lily said.

"Why?" James said.

"Better safe than sorry. I mean… if we're going to continue doing this," Lily said and gave him a sly smile.

James's eyes went wide.

"That sounds great… but I do wonder… did it mean anything for you?" James said and his eyes looked worried.

Lily smiled and nodded.

"I'm not sure what it means but it definitely means something. I like you, James Potter. This… wasn't my first time having sex. But this was different. It was better. I _felt_ * something, something I want to continue to explore if you'll allow me," Lily said.

James grinned with excitement.

"Absolutely," James said then glanced at the clock.

"I should leave. Your folks will be home soon, surely," James said.

"Nope. They are gone all week, actually. You could stay… if you wanted," Lily said.

James looked at her with surprise.

"I'll have to lie to my parents and tell them with Sirius," James said.

Lily smiled, feeling warm and giddy. Was this love she was feeling? If it was then Lily was confident she never wanted to stop feeling it. She wanted to lose herself in it and bask in its overwhelming glory.


	4. Chapter 4 - Our Group

_July 27, 1999_

Sirius was lying bed, Perseus on his chest, wondering where everyone was. Remus hadn't called him since their date. James wasn't answering his mobile. Peter was nowhere to be found.

Sirius grabbed his phone and dialed James again. It was noon. Why the hell was he sleeping so late?

After four rings James answered, sounding short on breath: "Hello."

"Are you all right?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah… uh… fine. Great," James said and Sirius heard a faint giggle of a female voice.

Oh god, Sirius thought. James and Lily were shagging.

"Guess your date went well," Sirius said, sarcastically.

"I suppose so," James said.

"Well, I just wanted to see how you were," Sirius said.

"I'm good. How are you?" James replied, but sounded distracted.

Sirius sighed.

"I'm fine. I'll just let you go. Have fun," Sirius said then hung up.

Sirius immediately dialed Remus's number but he didn't hit send. He had decided to wait for Remus to call him. He didn't want to seem desperate or needy even though he really really just wanted to spend some time alone with him again. But Remus hadn't called and Sirius wondered if Remus just wasn't interested. It was so hard to tell with Remus.

"Fuck it," Sirius whispered and hit send.

Remus picked up after two rings: "Hello, there."

"Hello. How are you?" Sirius asked, warmly.

"Great. You?" Remus replied.

"Good. Been trying to figure out where everyone has been. Looks like James and Lily hooked up," Sirius said.

"Hooked up as in shagging?" Remus asked.

"Yes. Exactly," Sirius answered.

"Wow."

"Indeed."

Sirius rubbed Perseus beneath his chin, eliciting rather loud purrs while he considered what to say next.

"Do you want to do something today?" Sirius asked hopefully.

"Sure. What do you have in mind?" Remus asked.

"You could come over here," Sirius suggested, immediately regretting it.

"Oh. Really? I didn't think your parents liked you have people over," Remus said.

"They don't but they are out until this evening. If you come quickly enough we could hang out for a bit. I could introduce you to Perseus," Sirius said and rubbed Perseus on the head.

"All right. I'll be there in an hour or so," Remus said and they both hung up.

* * *

Remus stepped inside the home where the Black family lived in Manchester. It was Remus's understanding that they still kept a family home in London and that they had only brought some of their possessions with them to Manchester.

"Normally, Mr. Reacher opens the door but he's with my parents today," Sirius said.

Sirius had mentioned the butler Mr. Reacher a number of times before. Sirius hated him and hated the devotion he had for his awful mother, Walburga.

Remus glanced around the house as Sirius lead him upstairs to his bedroom. The place looked thoroughly sterile and was filled with antiques at every turn. Remus liked old things in theory but they made him nervous. He liked the comfort of knowing that if he accidentally broke something it was easily replaceable.

Sirius's bedroom was twice the size of Remus's at least. His bed was king size and not very old. He had all the sorts of things that Remus had but they were bigger and nicer. Remarkably little about Sirius's furniture seemed old, unlike the rest of the house. Perhaps, Sirius also felt uncomfortable around antiques.

On the center of Sirius's bed sat a curious, old, black and fluffy cat. Remus plopped down on the bed and reached over to pet the cat.

"Hullo, Perseus," Remus said as the cat began to purr at his touch.

Sirius plopped down on the other side of the cat and pet him as well.

"Goodness, Perse. You don't usually get this much love all at once do you, you handsome beast," Sirius said.

"It's funny. I always thought you'd be a dog person," Remus said.

"I think I do relate more to dogs. But I've had Perseus a long time. He's part of the family. Actually… I like him better than my family," Sirius said and leaned over and rubbed his face into Perseus's side.

While they were petting Perseus, Remus kept finding his hand bumping into Sirius's. Just touching him was electric. He wanted to nudge the cat aside and tackle Sirius with his lips but it didn't seem appropriate.

"I meant what I said Sunday night, Sirius," Remus said and Sirius gave him a surprised look.

"Did you?" Sirius asked.

Remus nodded.

"I… I was worried it was just in the heat of the moment," Sirius said.

Remus shook his head.

"It was in the heat of the moment but not just. I… I think about you every night before I go to sleep. I imagine what it would be like to feel loved by you and I cry," Remus said.

Sirius stared at Remus, looking helpless. Remus felt his eyes begin to fill with tears.

"I was worried you weren't even interested," Sirius said as Remus wiped at his eyes.

"I'm just afraid. I don't want to be hurt. I'm afraid if I show you how I feel, I'll just get hurt," Remus said, feeling himself trembling.

Sirius moved a hand to one of Remus's and lightly gripped it.

"I could never hurt you. I _love_ * you," Sirius said.

Remus stared at Sirius, seeing his lip quiver, probably on the verge of tears. He leaned over and kissed Sirius, tears streaming down his cheeks which were soon joined with Sirius's own tears.

Perseus leapt out of the way as Remus and Sirius fell against the bed, their lips interlocked. Remus could feel Sirius's heart pounding just as hard as his own heart as his body fell on top of his. Remus was losing all sense of himself and feeling himself immersed in emotions and hormones. If love was a drug then Sirius Black was the ultimate high.

Sirius embraced Remus tightly and then rolled him over, their lips remaining together. Remus wasn't sure either of them knew what they were doing. There was an inescapable urge to pull ever closer.

Sirius's thigh was, accidentally perhaps, rubbing Remus between his legs, stimulating his stiffening shaft. Remus groaned into Sirius's mouth and squeezed the small of Sirius's back. Sirius removed his mouth and panting, whispered into Remus's ear: "Do you want to do it?"

Remus didn't know what to say. There was no arguing that he physically desired Sirius right now. But sex was a big deal. Sure, he'd shagged Lily before, but that was different. It wasn't a big deal. But everything about being with Sirius Black was a big deal and he wanted to savour every moment.

And he thought of his scars. Everything was going well… what if his scars scared Sirius away?

"Not yet. I think it will be better if we wait. We've only just started," Remus said.

Sirius kissed Remus's cheek and said, "No problem."

* * *

Late that afternoon Sirius finally managed to get everyone to meet up in Alexandra Park. Peter was already waiting when Remus and Sirius arrived.

"Hello, lads," Peter said with a smile.

"Where on Earth have you been, Pete?" Sirius asked.

"My mums not been well, I'm afraid," Peter replied.

Sirius gave the short boy a friendly pat on the back and Remus gave him a hug. Sirius wondered if Peter could tell something was different. He and Remus stood together while they talked and waited for James and Lily to show up. He didn't tell Pete anything about him and Remus or about James and Lily.

Ten minutes later, James and Lily arrived, hand in hand. Peter's eyes went big in shock and then he made a loud hoot.

"The two of you? I can't believe it!" Peter said and rushed over and gave them both a big hug.

"Relax, mate. It's not a big deal," James said but Sirius knew that was a fucking lie.

Nothing about Lily Evans would ever not be a big deal to James Potter.

"Cheers, Pete," Lily said and patted him on the back.

"So how are we all doing?" James asked, as Pete let them go and walked back over to Remus and Sirius.

"Been seeing after my mum," Pete repeated for James and Lily.

James frowned and nodded then turned to Remus and Sirius and said, "You lads?"

Sirius could tell from James's eyes that he knew already but probably wanted to hear one of them saying.

"Remus and I are doing well," Sirius said and grabbed Remus's hand.

Peter gasped.

"You two as well? Bloody hell," Peter squeaked and hugged them both as well.

"These things happen, Pete," Sirius said, as Peter squeezed him and Remus harder than he would expect for Peter's size.

"Not to me," Peter said and stepped back, his blue eyes roaming over them with wonder.

"It'll happen someday, Pete," James said and wrapped his arm around Lily's shoulders, making her blush.

"Is Lily part of our group now?" Peter asked.

James rubbed his chin with his free hand then shrugged.

"I suppose she's likely to be around more often now," James said.

"I'm right here you know. I'm capable of speaking for myself, thank you," Lily said.

James looked embarrassed and said, "I'm sorry."

Lily playfully elbowed him. Sirius was amazed at how much they already were acting like a couple. They had spent far less time together than he and Remus had. Did shagging make a difference? Surely not, he thought. Perhaps, it was something chemical between them, a connection neither of them knew existed.

But he could tell by looking at them that a bond had formed. It made Sirius happy even if he didn't know Lily as well as he might like. He supposed that now they would have a chance to get to know each other better. Sirius squeezed Remus's hand and glanced over at him with a small smile. Things were changing, certainly for the better.

* * *

Lily and Remus sat on a bench overlooking the pond in the park. James, Sirius and Peter had gone off on a walk together and she had asked Remus to stay and talk to her.

"I told you, Sirius would come around," Lily said and smiled at Remus.

"That you did. I never believed you," Remus said.

"You really should always trust me, Remus," Lily replied.

"What does this all even mean?" Remus asked, sounding genuinely perplexed.

Lily shrugged.

"Things change. Sometimes suddenly. In a matter of days, we've found ourselves paired up. Sometimes days is all it takes. Sometimes less than that. Like with James last night. It was like a light came on and I was in a dark room that suddenly became illuminated. I can't say for certain what I want from James but I know I want to find out what it is," Lily said.

"I've pined after Sirius for years. I never dreamed he'd be pining too," Remus said.

"Eh. If you'd only noticed how he looked at you," Lily said, then bit her bottom lip, playfully.

Remus hung his head down, his honey brown hair falling into his eyes, looking contemplative. Lily glanced up at the sky. It was getting cloudy.

"I didn't shag him," Remus said suddenly, pulling Lily's gaze back down.

"Oh?" Lily said, trying to remain neutral.

"I wanted to. Oh, god, I wanted to. I wanted to ravish him," Remus said, lifting his head and brushing his hair from his eyes.

"What stopped you?" Lily asked.

"Fear. Fear of every step we take. I want nothing more in the world than to be with him and cherish his very existence but I'm afraid that everything I do will just burn out the flame faster. That somehow there's a limit to how much the universe is willing to give me," Remus said.

"Shagging James brought us closer I think. I mean we would've ended up together anyway. But it didn't hurt. Which is why we kept doing it," Lily said then laughed.

Remus groaned.

"Let's just say that James Potter is talented and a quick learner," Lily said and gave Remus a wink.

Remus covered his face with his hands, then lifted back up, laughing.

"We'll do it eventually. I just want to enjoy every moment. Appreciate, each milestone along the way. I've waited so long, I don't want to burn out now," Remus said.

Lily scooted over and wrapped and arm around her best friend, pressing his head into her shoulder.

"Don't worry, Remus. I won't let you burn out. Never," Lily said and she meant it.

* * *

"Lily is amazing. She's effervescent. She's just so… incredible," James said.

If Sirius had thought hooking up with Lily Evans would make James stop talking about how perfect Lily was, he was very wrong.

"She's a nice girl," Sirius said.

"Oh, she's so much more than that. She's… I don't know what she is. There isn't a word for it," James said, leaning against a tree.

"I'm sure you'll think of it," Sirius said, glancing over at Peter who was distracted by a squirrel.

James smiled at Sirius and slapped him on the arm, giving Peter a quick glance as well.

"Congrats, by the way. I'm glad you and Remus finally got it together," James said.

"Cheers. It doesn't feel real somehow," Sirius admitted.

"The best things never do," James said.

Sirius sighed and shook his head.

"It's just hard to accept that someone like Remus could ever love me," Sirius said.

"Give him time to prove it, mate," James said.

"We didn't… you know," Sirius said.

"Shag?" James said.

Sirius nodded.

"Is that a problem?" James said.

Sirius shook his head.

"Not in itself. But I do wonder. Does he even want me? You and Lily are already at it. There's no doubt about attraction there," Sirius said.

James huffed and shook his head. He couldn't believe Sirius had figured out he and Lily had been shagging so easily.

"Different people do things differently. I wouldn't worry. Remus loves you, anyone can see that. That's what matters, isn't it?" James said.

Sirius nodded, silently.

"Of course it is. If it's true," Sirius said.

"You always worry too much," James said as Peter finally began to walk back over to them.

"Squirrels, man. So weird. Looks like it might rain," Peter said.

James looked up at the sky and nodded.

"Worrying sustains me, keeps me going. It's all I have," Sirius said, continuing their conversation, despite Peter.

"Don't be ridiculous, mate. You've so much more than that and you know it," James said, and rubbed Sirius on the back, affectionately.

"I do worry about my parents. I worry what they will do if they find out about me and Remus… if they found out I'm gay. Nothing's stopping them from sending me away, back to London," Sirius said.

"I'll never let that happen. My parents won't let that happen. They adore you like you really are my brother. Whatever is in their power I promise they will do for you," James said.

Sirius turned to him, his eyes shining with tears. He embraced James tightly.

"Thank you, my brother," Sirius said.

"Think nothing of it," James replied and pulled Sirius as close as he could.

* * *

Peter left the park first, then James and Lily together, headed back to her flat. Remus and Sirius remained alone, as the sun began to set.

"It's going to rain," Remus said as they walked along the path.

"Should've brought a brolly," Sirius said.

"We might melt," Remus said then chuckled, amusing himself.

And almost as if the universe was testing that hypothesis the rain immediately began to pour. Both of them stopped walking, looked at each other, then burst out laughing.

"Shit," Remus said.

"Yes. Shit," Sirius echoed and they began to run.

Remus and Sirius ran, laughing in the rain all the way to the bus stop. Normally, Remus would be absolutely miserable, but it was the middle of summer, it wasn't cold and Sirius was with him.

They sat next to each other on the bus to Remus's flat. Remus without thinking held Sirius's hand. Despite his fears he didn't think anyone noticed the two teenage blokes holding hands, the tall dark haired one laying his head on the brown haired one's shoulder.

Once they were off the bus they walked to Remus's flat. It was still raining. They arrived at the door, holding hands. Remus didn't want to say goodbye or let go. He wanted to savour this moment.

Remus pulled Sirius to him, rain pouring down on them hard, and pressed their lips together before slowly pulling them apart and releasing his hands. Sirius's grey eyes gazed at him with devotion and Remus smiled, mouthed 'goodnight' and went inside, content in the knowledge that they would never burn out.


End file.
